By Eric Morecambe
An booklet omnibus of Eric Morecambe's vintage children's books, THE RELUCTANT VAMPIRE and THE VAMPIRE'S go back, illustrated through Tony Ross.
A stunning assertion from the Vampire Prince -- that he doesn't like blood yet prefers chips and a pitcher of pink wine -- starts a story of ghoulish intrigue and hilarious horror.
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Example text
I do not wish to waste time on pretense. If he is like Linda, he is going to do some talking. If he is human, he has a funny way of showing it. Either way I believe he will die in this desert tonight. I may even drink his blood, although I have not fed from anyone since Kalika brought me back from the edge of death. My hunger simply seems to have vanished. I gesture with my weapon. A million stars shine down on us. I see them all, more than a mortal can see with a medium-size telescope. "Move away from the car," I say.
Once more I reach out. This time I touch his left ear, but before he can swat my hand away, I pinch it. Rather hard, I think. He is in pain. "Talk," I say softly. "Stop," he pleads, as I force him to bend over. "Just a slight tug of my hand," I say, "and your ear will separate from your head. I am very strong. So talk to me, while you still can. " He squeals as I twist his ear. " He gasps for air. "She is just someone I know. She came to me after I killed the first girl. She said I could work for her.
He glances up from the game. He doesn't even realize I interrupted it. "Goodbye," he says. There is a plane leaving for Phoenix in fifty minutes and I get on it. Linda's newsletters have told me where the FOF convention is being held—a Holiday Inn beside a busy freeway. Once in Phoenix, I rent a Jeep and drive to the hotel, but all the rooms are taken. Taking a room at a nearby hotel, I shower and then go for a walk in the desert. Perhaps the UFO freaks took a hotel near the edge of town so they could look at the night sky.