By Constance Ahrons
What is the genuine legacy of divorce? to respond to this query, Constance Ahrons, Ph.D., interviewed 100 and seventy-three grown youngsters whose divorcing mom and dad she had interviewed two decades past for her landmark research, the foundation of which used to be the hugely acclaimed booklet the great Divorce . What she has discovered is either heartening and significant.
Challenging the stereotype that youngsters of divorce are emotionally , drug abusing, academically challenged, and another way failing, Dr. Ahrons unearths that almost all kids can and do adapt, and that many even thrive within the face of kinfolk swap. even supposing divorce isn't effortless for any relations, she exhibits that it doesn't need to ruin kid's lives or result in a relations breakdown. With the perception of those grown young children and the recommendation of this talented kinfolk therapist, divorcing mom and dad will locate precious street maps deciding on either the advantages and the harms to which postdivorce young ones are uncovered and, eventually, what they could do to keep up kinfolk bonds.
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Extra info for We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce
Sample text
When Julie, one of the participants in my study, married recently, she walked down the aisle with a father on either side. On her left was her biological father, on her right was her stepfather of eighteen years. Her mother was her matron of honor, who joined her former and present husbands, all standing together to witness the marriage. Two best men, the groom’s eleven-year-old twin sons from his first marriage, stood next to no easy answers 13 him. Helen, the groom’s former wife, sat close by, accompanied by Tony, her live-in partner.
Most of the research on dads after divorce focuses on absentee fathers, while involved fathers are frequently overlooked. Many fathers continue to be excellent parents after divorce and in fact some fathers and children report that their relationships actually improve after the divorce. In much the same way that good divorces are invisible in the public debate, so are involved fathers. Misconception 5: Exspouses are incapable of getting along When I first started to study divorce in the early 1970s, it was assumed in the literature that any continuing relationship between exspouses was a sign of serious pathology, an inability to adjust to the divorce, to let go and to move on with their lives.
It goes hand in hand with increased education, 38 we’re still family which in turn has led to delaying marriage. On average, the young adults in our study were more highly educated than their parents, live more independent lifestyles and are part of a generation that is marrying at least five years later than their parents did. Especially for the young women in our study, the social differences between their mothers’ generation and their own are quite pronounced. ” While some of their mothers married because they were pregnant, none of the young adult women felt this same pressure to marry.