By Michael P. Nichols PhD
For folks bored stiff with consistent demanding situations to their authority-but who dread turning into tyrants of their personal homes-this ebook offers a robust new replacement to ''because I stated so.'' relied on kin therapist and writer Michael P. Nichols takes at the number-one challenge of oldsters this day with the perception and humor that has made his previous The misplaced artwork of Listening a permanent bestseller. provided is an easy, easy-to-follow, but remarkably powerful technique to placed an finish to arguments by means of refusing to argue again. as an alternative, the options of responsive listening aid mom and dad open up greater conversation within the kin; create an environment of appreciate and cooperation; and take kid's emotions into account-without giving in to their calls for. a great deal of life like examples support mom and dad defuse whining and defiance and deal with universal conflicts with preschoolers to kids.
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Parents often remain sufficiently stuck in their 6Many parents, however, do struggle with the question of whether or not to pick up a baby who cries out of boredom or loneliness. 38 HOW RESPONSIVE LISTENING WORKS own perspective that they feel compelled to keep reiterating their own point of view rather than listening to what their children are feeling. The spirit of responsive listening helps us relate to our children as children, not adversaries. ” and then to listen, rather than to argue. Here’s how this might look in practice.
SIX-YEAR-OLD: In the summer? PARENT: That’s right. Do you remember what happened the last time we went to see him? SIX-YEAR-OLD: I had my allergy test. PARENT: I remember. That wasn’t much fun, was it? SIX-YEAR-OLD: Dr. Felch said it would only take a few minutes, but it took almost an hour! PARENT: Oh, gee, honey, I didn’t know Dr. Felch said it wouldn’t take long. That wasn’t very fair, was it? SIX-YEAR-OLD: No! How to Head Off Arguments Before They Start 39 PARENT: Well, this time, we’re just going for a checkup.
1 Instead of saying, “You left your dirty dishes in the living room,” a parent is advised to say, “I hate to see my living room all messed up as soon as you come 1Gordon, T. (1970). Parent Effectiveness Training. New York: Wyden. ” (PET works particularly well with small children and puppies. ) According to Dr. Gordon, “I-statements” are hard to argue with. ” The second message, Gordon contends, only tells the child how you feel, a fact with which he can hardly argue. Expressing yourself in “I-statements” may help cut down on preaching (“You should never .