Impossible to Please: How to Deal with Perfectionist by Neil Lavender PhD, Alan A. Cavaiola PhD

By Neil Lavender PhD, Alan A. Cavaiola PhD

we all know a person who's most unlikely to thrill, serious, judgmental, choosy, and stubbornly closed-minded. those are signs of a disease known as obsessive-compulsive character disease (OCPD), yet it’s universal for individuals to have subclinical degrees of a few or all of those characteristics. more often than not, it’s most sensible to prevent the tough to delight individual, yet what occurs whilst she or he is a detailed friend, coworker, or perhaps a wife? It’s nonetheless attainable to keep up a good dating with the correct tools. most unlikely to Please, written by means of the authors of Toxic Coworkers, is a guide for facing those tough humans with out sitting via tense arguments, vicious insults and assaults, and passive-aggressive habit. It empowers readers to take cost of the connection and regain their dignity and self assurance in interactions with those individuals.

This booklet good points particular options which are instantly potent whilst talking with serious humans and explains how readers can reply to unfair blame with no changing into offended or overly protecting. by way of environment limitations, bettering communique, and announcing themselves, readers learn how to care for the very unlikely to thrill in romantic relationships, friendships, relatives, and paintings relationships.

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Additional resources for Impossible to Please: How to Deal with Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People

Sample text

How could this have happened? she thought. I did everything right. I’m a great teacher. How is it I could never be good enough for her? Francine met Marco while she was still in high school. ” He was a straight “A” student, the star of his basketball team, and the president of the student council. He was well mannered, hard working, and respectful of all in authority. But soon after Francine and Marco were married, he became emotionally distant, more involved with his work than he was with her and, eventually, the children.

A person with strong dependency needs might think along the following lines: Here’s someone I can lean on for support. He’s a conscientious and hard worker who will manage our money very well. She’s competent and confident and will lead me through life’s uncertainties. He’s an excellent judge who will take the weight of making decisions off my shoulders. Controlling perfectionists tend to bring out many qualities in people that these people may be unaware of. We address these issues more fully in later chapters.

And the incessant arguing drives you farther and farther away from each other; all the while your partner denies having done anything wrong and insists that you’re the one who has to change. , Millon and Davis 1996) believe that perfectionism and criticism are actually psychological defense mechanisms for keeping people at a distance. If you think about it, it’s very difficult to get close to somebody who’s always criticizing you. Could it be that the controlling perfectionist in your life is actually trying to drive you away, to create a relationship that isn’t “too close”?

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