By Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD
Through role-play dialogues and every-day examples, Rosenberg demonstrates the keys to therapeutic ache and clash with out compromise. The therapeutic strength of NVC presents sensible and powerful instruments for people, psychological wellbeing and fitness practitioners, mediators, households and couples.
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Additional info for Getting Past the Pain Between Us: Healing and Reconciliation Without Compromise
Example text
You really have a dream of a nurturing relationship, of feeling you’re valued, of enjoying our being with each other. That seems so far off given all the pain that you’re going through, that it’s hard to even imagine we could get to that stage of really being nurturing for one another. UM: Uh huh. To be honest, it’s hard to imagine you ever giving that, because you’re so caught up in your own suffering. MBR: Yeah. So hard to even imagine. Anything more you want me to hear before I respond? UM: You know, if you talk about how much you hate the president, even if I agree with you, I don’t want to hear it, and I’d rather punch you in the face.
So, you want to be sure that if we do use words, that they really connect us to life and not take us further from it. And at the moment it’s hard to imagine any words that would do that. It seems like to get all the pain out you just have to scream or stomp or something. UM: And I’m also connected to a part of me that just wants to come home and get the nurturing that I have not gotten as a child in this family, and I’m worried that that’s not a very realistic need to try to get met in this family.
We may check in silently, or out loud, asking questions to be sure we understand. When the other person feels satisfied, the listener can move on. STEP TWO in healing or reconciliaton NVC style is the “postempathic request,” in which the listener helps find out what else the person needs right now. Getting in touch with unmet needs is important to the healing process, as is making requests to the receiver about what would meet those needs now, in the present moment. We saw that there are three ways to bring into play the role of the “other party” in a conflict.