By Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Donald H. Baucom PhD, Kristina Coop Gordon PhD
Discovering companion has been untrue hits you're keen on an earthquake. lengthy after the 1st jolt, emotional aftershocks could make it tough to be there to your relatives, deal with your lifestyle, and imagine in actual fact approximately your thoughts. even if you need to finish the connection or piece issues again jointly, Getting earlier the Affair publications you thru the preliminary trauma so that you can comprehend what occurred and why earlier than identifying how you can circulate ahead. in response to the one application that’s been tested--and proven--to relieve harmful feelings within the wake of infidelity, this compassionate publication deals aid and specialist suggestion from a staff of award-winning couple therapists. in the event you stick with your wife, you’ll locate real looking suggestions for rebuilding your marriage and restoring belief. yet irrespective of which direction you opt, you’ll detect potent how you can recuperate individually, stay away from lasting scars, and pursue more healthy relationships sooner or later.
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Extra resources for Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart
Example text
Do you simply want your feelings to be understood and acknowledged? Do you want your partner to respond to your feelings by offering to hold you, reassure you, or provide you time and space to be by yourself? For example: “I’ve been feeling more alone and distant from you today. ” • Work with your partner to find ways to reduce the likelihood or frequency of these triggers happening again. For example: “Watching movies together used to be fun, but right now I really need us to avoid movies about romance, infidelity, or other reminders of your affair.
But if you’re already having trouble with discussions spiraling out of control, skip ahead to Chapter 3 to get help with devising strategies to deal with this. What to Talk About Your discussions are likely to go better if you can limit the number of questions you present to your partner at this time and make your questions as specific as possible. List the top five questions you’d most like to talk with your partner about at this time. Try to focus on information you need to have now to get through the next few weeks.
Was it something inside your partner—such as thinking about how he or she didn’t measure up to the outside person and suddenly seeing an image of the other person? When your partner identifies the trigger, try to avoid becoming defensive. For example, if your partner describes experiencing an acute flashback when the phone rings and an anonymous caller hangs up, that doesn’t mean your partner believes you’re having an affair all over again. You don’t need to defend yourself, repeatedly assert that you’re no longer having an affair, or insist that your partner stop having such thoughts.